well...actually lately my life's been a bit crappy.

I was very stressed lately due to school (I'm just about to graduate) and my boyfriend developing a drepression (I have no idea how it will go on with him, since our relationship sucks a little bit lately.. I mean I truly love him and I don't want to throw away one and a half year of relationship carelessly but I don't know for sure how much longer I can endure this...it makes me sad and I kind of have the feeling I've lost to his depression. I knew from the beginning he wasn't the cheery kind but when we were toghether he seemed at least fine..my presence seemed to help him and I tried to support him as good as I could).

Though I tried to comfort him as good as I could he isn't getting any better, and though I know it's not my fault and that he's the only one truly able to help himself, I still hurts me alot seeing him like that...also it isn't only his mood..he's lost any faith in me lately with me giving him no reason for that. So he keeps sulking about the most rediculous things like me wearing a LONG skirt without extra pants underneath or me going swimming with friends...these kind of things

He's absolutely crazy about the thought that he could be loosing me and just so filled up with every kind of fear....and yet sometimes he's still my nice big cuddle bear that makes me smile or the cool musician writing wonderful songs I adore....but he just keeps slipping away...



Well you see..it's been kind of an exhausting year for me.. I gave all the strengh I had (and there were plenty of it) until there was nothing left for myself. It takes time to make that up agian and recover though I probably never will be the same since I changed an awful lot this last year I became a terrible crybaby. I even  slowly gave up the thing most precious to me. Drawing. For one year I havent drawn except when I had to..since I was a little girl people have always been seeing me running around with a pencil drawing whatever came to my  mind. It ever since has been my big dream to study arts and work as an illustrator, an artist, an cartoon animator or whatsoever... But this past year I had lost confidence in myself and my skills..

But actually I haven't given up! Few weeks ago I have decided that I WILL study arts no matter what!
And today I just startet drawing without even noticing until my mother said it was a nice picture. 
I hope that this is my new start and acually I want it o be. Everyone around me is worried about future and I guess that influenced and scared me a bit, but from now on I will just do what I wanted to do my whole life! And probably I will make it into studio ghibli (for that's my ultimate dream; when I was little I wanted to work for disney XD and I still wouldn't mind if they only weren't doing all this compter animation shit...I mean they don't even draw at all anymore....[I'm aware of the fact the ghibli uses computeranmation too but they don't use it exclusively] BUT I GUESS GHIBLY PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN TAKE FOREIGNERS HUGH?! well...whatsoever than I'm gonna be the first one XD)


I don't even expect anyone to read this but it still felt good telling...I will post my today drawn picture as soon as it's finished!
but for today I will post the last two pics I've draw about a year or a bit longer ago! here they come ^^



 (if you click on it it will appear in a bigger size,goes also for the other one)


This ia actually an actor, probably you even notice him?^^




This is just a scrabble I did during the lessons actually he last thing I've drawn aside fron school work (I'm in an art course)


Just two scrabbles but I like them! ^__^
hope you two!

Well, I have been scrabbling a bit and it turned out to be an tyrant fanart! XDD






It's Morinaga only but I bet he's looking at senpai! ^///^





This one just came to my mind and I wanted to draw it...it's not exatly how I wanted it to be...(morinaga gave me a hard time drawing him...and I thought Soichi was the complicated one XDD)

Now I have to learn math and do some other homework >__< so there's no time for drawing any more T__T...

see you

boring,boring,boring,boring!
Ähm...well...youknow...I am bored...since it's 23:35 pm and I've got nothing to do, but I think I'll just shut down my computer and read some hot fanfics... ; P
I don't actually know yet, what I will use this journal for...probably as an diary or something.
We will see...  ^___^
I am writing a novel right know witch is based on the live from a goood friend of mine, probably I'll post it here if she allowes me to do that...
anyways have a nice day and enjoy your time!
I am leaving now : )